Wait...Did he just say Cancer?

July 5 th-7th 2017- Chemo Day My best friend Rachel picked me up nice and early. I remember being real nervous. I had no clue what to expect. Was it going to be as bad as how it looks in the movies? Am I going to lose my hair? Will I throw up or be in bed for days? In retrospect, I’d have rather had all those things happen compared to what occurred. Blue Ridge Cancer Care. It was cold that day. I remember bringing a pillow and some blankets. Rach brought her laptop so that we could watch Outlander, knowing we’d be there a lot of the day. She drove into the curb by accident on the way there. We were all nervous, but I was glad to have her there. Ian was at work and I think it was a good distraction, since he couldn’t help me through this. The plan was that the first drug of my cocktail would be pumped through my port (under the skin device that goes directly into the vein by your heart) in the cancer center. Four hours of Outlander later, I was tired and a lit...

End of May 2017-July 4 th 2017 Now what? Surgery. Chemo. Rinse. Repeat. I had a great surgeon, Dr. Adkins was who did my partial colectomy. He took 12 inches of my colon, 26 lymph nodes, my appendix, and part of my crappy metabolism. After the biopsy, I was staged at Cb. Late stage, but still treatable with further medicine. Insert chemo. But, that’s not until July 5 th ...you have to wait. Muhahaha In the meantime I healed from surgery. That took six weeks. My mom came down from Wisconsin to help. She bathed me, fed me, and did my gardening. She became really close with my friend David. He would always tease me and say he was going to be my future stepdad. LOL My friends from church and work did fundraisers to help us meet our out of pocket. My insurance started the day before I went to the hospital; talk about a miracle! I don’t know what we would have done if it weren’t for our friends and family. Insurance covered last year at 100%. 700k. We only ow...

It all started with a stomach ache, something so simple to understand yet complex to accurately discern a remedy. It wasn’t excruciating, but uncomfortable, it could be read on her face. It seemed the best idea was to wait it out, perhaps it would pass. So we opted for the warm security of the bed instead. That security was short lived as in the morning it went from uncomfortable to unbearable for her, I awoke to tears streaming down her face as she got ready for work. I insisted she stay home and go to the hospital, but she was adamant about not missing work; I am well aware of the fact that she was simply scared of what they might find, that by looking in the closet they were to reveal the very monster she feared that does not attack the victim unless observed. We finally agreed she would stay home, but the hospital is not where she wanted to be so I made my way to work apprehensively. Within hours I was leaving work for the hospital. The p...

From the mouth of my babe, Rachel. Hope you have tissues. Movies about cancer don’t really prepare you for the real life alternative. When the world’s sweetest human being on earth gets diagnosed with colon cancer, your best friend, it feels like suddenly you’ve become some kind of head-scratching cave person. What are you supposed to do? What do you say? The overwhelming need to fix the situation paralyzes your better judgment. How make better!? Your inner cave person will shout to the heavens. But, unless you’re a genius doctor or an extraordinary therapist… well, it feels like you might as well be a hat rack. Maybe you could hold your friends things while she goes to her appointments? At least that’s something.  As it turns out though, the most important thing I could contribute was just being there, being present in every sense of the word. Just being someone my friend could talk to about how she was feeling. If she needed a ride to an appointment, of course I wa...

5.4.17-5.7.17 So I didn't leave. I got more pain meds and that helped a lot. The doctors wanted to observe me until they felt like I was stable. My best friend Rachel spent the night for a few nights! That made it much better. My husband had to work, so it was really nice having someone so fun there around the clock. We laughed, watched movies, and talked to a lot of people and nurses. There were a lot of visitors. That was my first time staying in a hospital. Don't worry, I learned my lesson. People want to be helpful and show support which is great! & Don't get me wrong I appreciated all the love and support(esp from close family and friends). But, when you haven't showered for days, because you're too weak (hemoglobin was really low for awhile until 2 transfusions), you smell bad. Your hair is greasy too.(i.e above picture) It doesn't exactly make you want to see a bunch of people. I just happened to realize that after the fact. Plus, it is overw...

Day 2: 5.3.17 Just kidding I was wrong. I had my first colonoscopy on 5.4.17. Day 2 was more tests and just the prepping part. I'll spare the details. Day 3: 5.4.17 Ian and David stayed with me all day until I went down for the colonoscopy. I remember not being scared. I remember just wanting so badly to know what was happening. I remember the very real pain right before I went under. After the exam I slept...for most of the afternoon. A doctor came and saw me that evening. He was hesitant. That made me nervous. He went on to tell me that they found "a growth" in my colon and that they took a biopsy to figure out more. He told me not to worry. Riiiight. The first time cancer even crossed my mind was that first day in the ER. Within the first 8 hours before I even got a room, I just knew it wasn't good. For some reason (God and faith), I was at peace. I knew that whatever happened I'd be protected. Anyways, he continued and said it might not be anything...

Night 1: 5.1.17        "Holy crap the pain is terrible." I told my husband Ian over dinner. Stomach pain was a normal in my life, so I didn't usually voice it, but it had never been this bad. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the abdomen over and over and the time between episodes was quickly reducing. I remember thinking that this is what contractions must feel like. Spoiler Alert: there was a growth in my body...just not the welcomed kind. I had more symptoms than just pain, but we'll get to that later.         Ian was quietly freaking out. He knew that he couldn't help me, or make me go to the ER. I can bestubborn. The pain always went away, so I had no reason to think this time would be any different. However, at 2am when the pain was still very real I knew something was seriously wrong. Still, I wanted to wait. I tried to lay as still as possible since sleep wasn't an option and tried to let my hubs get some sleep. ...