Wait...Did he just say Cancer?

All Things Possible 5/13/18 This blog post has been a long time in the making; this one is possibly most important. No matter what you personally believe, If you’ve been following our story we are glad you made it to this point. I woke up, but I couldn’t speak. I remember everything not seeming real. I saw my aunt Marci and started  crying because I was so happy to finally see someone I knew and remembered. I was very tired. I was fading and at the same time fighting to stay with her. I thought this was a dream, but was later told that it happened. I believed I had slept for 17 years, but somehow the year was 2050 (I've never been good at math). I thought my grandparents and my dog were dead and that Ian had to fight to keep me on life support. I was confused for a very long time. I lost a lot of my memory during that week. I feel like it was God’s way of protecting me from reliving that pain. I wasn’t meant to understand what was happening just yet. I was in the h...

So I sat in the waiting room, window to my left displaying the soccer field below and the mountains in the distance against the greyish blue backsplash of the 5AM sky. I was a little lost in that moment, with my wife maybe 30 yards away but completely separated from me, enduring what could possibly be the end of her life by herself, and completely unaware of what was happening. Her aunt has told me she was on the way with her uncle. I knew when they arrived they would ask how I was, and what was going on. I was hoping the doctor would return with good news before they arrived so I could leave them with some hope. As I stated before, I ran the scenarios and came to peace with the potential outcomes, though it still was painful, and I am fully aware this is a rarity and can be confused with compartmentalization. It was not compartmentalized in this moment. The doctor came back for a third time, “I've been talking to colleagues all night and no one has really seen this before. ...

“Help me…” she whispered as faintly as a light breeze. My heart sank even further, as if this entire time it was just slowly hitting branch after branch before it hit the ground only to continue past the topsoil. I rang the nurses who immediately called the doctors.Within a minute flat the room was filled with white coats, including her oncologist, all examining my wife and conversing among each other while the nurse I spoke to earlier repeatedly apologized to me “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I thought she was just tired!” They rushed her out of the room as quickly as they came in, another nurse physically removed apology nurse and began speaking to me, all I remember is “Your wife is” and it trails off. I didn’t really need someone to explain to me what was going on, my wife was dying. We rushed to another floor where I sat in the waiting room and sent out a text to her aunt, and I am pretty certain it was only her aunt I told. We have received a few criticisms for this particu...

“The most terrifying weeks of my life.”-Marci H. my beloved Aunt July 7 th I picked you up from your house, so that we could learn how to clean your port at the cancer center. We were going to meet Ian there, that way he could leave and go back to work afterwards. At this point we had no idea how bad off you were. I pulled into the driveway and noticed that the house was completely dark. I knew you weren’t feeling well, so I approached with caution. I found you laying on the couch, but ready to go. You were quiet; that was weird. I also noticed how pale you were. We got to the cancer center, but you wanted to wait in the car for Ian. He was already inside, so we slowly made our way to the second floor. We signed you in and they took you back immediately. The first thing they did was close your curtains for privacy. Next, they disconnected the port from the 5FU. They hooked you up to an IV for fluids right away. Then the nurses tried to get vitals. It took about t...