Tears in my Coffee

“The most terrifying weeks of my life.”-Marci H. my beloved Aunt

July 7^th

I picked you up from your house, so that we could learn how to clean your port at the cancer center. We were going to meet Ian there, that way he could leave and go back to work afterwards. At this point we had no idea how bad off you were. I pulled into the driveway and noticed that the house was completely dark. I knew you weren’t feeling well, so I approached with caution. I found you laying on the couch, but ready to go. You were quiet; that was weird. I also noticed how pale you were.

We got to the cancer center, but you wanted to wait in the car for Ian. He was already inside, so we slowly made our way to the second floor. We signed you in and they took you back immediately. The first thing they did was close your curtains for privacy. Next, they disconnected the port from the 5FU. They hooked you up to an IV for fluids right away. Then the nurses tried to get vitals. It took about ten minutes before they could get a good BP reading; a bunch of nurses tried.

Dr K. and Dr. Preston came in to evaluate and decided you needed to go to the hospital across the road. They wanted more fluids in you before we went and to make sure a room was ready on the oncology floor. I drove you to the front door while Ian was parking his car. I went to park. They wheeled you up to your room and Ian and I got there at the same time. It was around 2pm. We made sure you were settled and then I went home to rest.

July 8^th- GCC Roanoke Yard Sale Day

5:49am

I got a text from Ian saying something was wrong. Really wrong. I saved all those messages because I’m old haha. (see above pictures)

“Erin was experiencing pain and shortness of breath around midnight. I brought it up with the nurse, they said that it was likely related to her heart. As of 5:30 she has been admitted to the ICU for low blood pressure. That is all I know.”

“What room #?”

“9 I think but still in the 6^th floor waiting area”

“Turns out she lacks the enzyme to break down chemo. She is effectively allergic to chemo, they are giving an antidote once every 6 hours over 5 days.”

This is another miracle God made happen. Lewis Gale had 1 dosage of the antidote and the rest were flown in from Sweden. No one locally knew what was happening to you except for your oncologist. Thank God, he was on call! You were only the second person in Va in a decade to have complete DPD. God had a plan for you, baby girl.

Your uncle stayed for a while that day, so that Ian could stop by the Yard Sale at your church with David. Everyone was worried. I was working, but stopped in twice every day you were in the ICU.

No one could see you until you were stabilized. Saturday was the first day you were in the medically induced coma. You were put on “life assistance” as your oncologist called it. Ian and I were the only ones who could receive any info on you. We had to call and give them a code, so that they would talk to us.

July 9^th

I had to work, so I stopped by before or during and after. One of the perks of working for Carilion. I saw you for the first time that day. It was terrifying. Nothing like the movies. It was so much worse. There were machines hooked up to you everywhere. And all those IVs! There was not a lot of room with everything keeping you alive. The breathing tube was hard to look at. It was all just really scary. At this point we had no idea what was going to happen to you. Some nurses were optimistic when we called for updates, others were not at all. You were in critical condition. That much everyone agreed on. There was not much immediate change. Your heart was just stressed. Your body needed time to heal and you weren’t strong enough to do it alone. But, your oncologist kept us reassured that he was doing everything he could to save your life. He was optimistic and that is what mattered. He told us to be aware that everyone interprets situations differently. He recognizes your recovery for the miracle it was/is.

At 12pm Ian meet with Dr. K who basically said things were going as he hoped. He saw small improvements.

July 10^th

5am

I called the hospital for an update. They decreased your BP meds& EPI for your heart to see how you would do. Your creatinine was getting lower and your white count was finally going down some! You were brought out of sedation for a short time and even squeezed the nurses hand. You weren’t strong enough to be brought out fully yet. This was still such a big improvement.

Today I was told there would be more scans and an ultrasound. There was a clot in your heart and legs they were watching and would watch much closer once you woke up.

1:47pm

After work I checked on you and you were the same as the morning. They were waiting on more test results. We asked if you were still under sedation and they explained that you would be for a few more days. They did try short periods to see how you’d do and check your response and vitals. I remember by this point the crazy number of IVs was slowly getting smaller!

July 11th

6:40am

Another good update. Everything seemed to be slowly improving. We were so hopeful. The doctors came in at 9am. You had so many of them. Ian and I worked opposite schedules and saw you at different times. We wanted to make sure no news was missed and just seeing you made us feel close to you. They turned off your round-the-clock dialysis machine and lowered your oxygen to 30%. They wanted to see how you would do out of sedation. You were so tired. Ian stayed late into the night, but you still weren’t out of the coma.

July 12^th

I saw you two times this day. THE BEST DAY. This week was the most terrifying week of my entire life. Today made it all worth it. Today is the day you woke up! They took you off sedation and you were doing well. Another miracle. You were extremely confused which was to be expected. When I went into your room that morning you were awake. We later found out that you thought this entire exchange was a dream. It was very real. You were watching your nurse at her desk. They kept someone in your room around the clock. I walked through the door and you turned your head and got the biggest smile on your face. Tears welled up in your eyes, as you realized you had finally seen someone that you knew. The tears streamed down your face. The happiness that we shared and the look on your face was unexplainable. I remember thinking that you must have been so confused as you had no idea what had happened to you. I calmed you down because you got so excited and you fell asleep. It all happened so quickly, but it is something that I will never forget. I couldn’t believe that I was the first face you saw. I couldn’t believe you woke up. We were hopeful, but we also thought we had lost you several times.

You still had the breathing tube and that seemed to annoy you. You wanted to express your happiness and love.

That afternoon you slept through our visit. You got to see your husband that night for what you thought was the first time in a long time. I’ll let him write about that though. Those 5 days to us, were 17 years to you. You would not believe us when we told you what year it was. They removed your breathing tube that evening. You couldn’t talk though. Your voice was as faint as a breath. You slept A LOT.

July 13^th

Vanessa got to visit you today! Rachel and Jordan tried to make it, but the ICU had strict visiting hours. I remember you telling me much later that when you woke up people had color hues. Vanessa and Ian were orange. I looked normal though. You thought that all your doctors and nurses were from the future because they looked like they had severe amounts of plastic surgery. This made it harder for you to believe that we were telling you the truth about the year you woke up in. Your dog was not dead. Neither were your grandparents.

On Saturday the 15^th your uncle and I brought you a care package. You needed lip balm so badly and lotion. We brought you orange Gatorade at your request, but you couldn’t drink it because the feeding tube did so much damage to your throat. Your voice took over a week and a half to start getting better.

On Sunday the 16^th we got to visit you on the 10^th floor again! They were finally able to move you since you had surgery to remove the dialysis catheter from your femoral artery.

Sunday was a hard day though. I had one of the hardest conversations that I had to have during that time. Your mom was in Chicago driving down here from Wisconsin when I got her to pull over. I called your mom, but it went to voicemail. I called your Grandma Caron next. The next time I called your mom, she agreed to pull over and talk. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like having to deal with all this from afar, but there was nothing she could do yet. We knew that you would need her help once you left the hospital. Someone to stay with you around the clock, so that you didn’t have to go to a rehab facility. That’s what she decided to do. It was a huge help.

I stayed in touch with your friend, and now my friend, Gina the whole time. She was a light during a very dark time. I could talk freely with her and that helped me a lot. Ian and I had to tell everyone that no one was allowed to visit with you while you were in critical condition; that was hard, but I’m sure everyone understood.

The look on your face when you recognized me is something I will never forget while I’m alive. You are not just Dr. K’s miracle baby, you are ours.

I love you forever,

Marci